Hello again, friends! Welcome back to another incredible installment of Am I the Literary Asshole, the drunken advice column that just read the wildest book and needs to tell you allllll about it. I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m coming off a holiday weekend filled with kiddie pools and too much sun and not nearly enough beer. I think I ate my weight in pimento cheese dip? I’d do it again in a second. I’m absolutely ready for summer!
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Why not keep the sun-soaked party vibes rolling with some tequila shots? We’ve got the lime and the salt, all we need is a mouth and a shot glass. One for you, one for me, and off we go:
1) Am I the asshole if think that most books today feel disposable? And I mean everything: the quality (cheap paper, shoddy binding), the publicity (next to nothing), the content (flimsy characters, nonexistent plotlines, bad craft), etc.
We’re starting off today with a very hot take! Sizzling like a platter of restaurant fajitas over here!
I’m not in agreement. Any time someone uses a word like “everything” to describe a situation, it’s an immediate red flag for me. Nothing is that black and white, pal. It would be very silly to think that every single book that gets published right now is “disposable.” It would be the same thing as saying that every single book that comes out right now is completely perfect, the highest quality, no notes. Neither statement is true because both statements are absolutes. And we’re talking about art! The least absolute thing there is!
Now, let’s get down to the facts of the situation. There are a tremendous number of books being published. There are many, many different kinds of publishing processes (self-publishing, indie publishing, small press, mid-list press, big three publishers, this list goes on and on) and that can and does affect the technical “quality” of what you’re describing in your letter. Do I think that every single book has crappy paper, doesn’t get publicity, and is written poorly? No, I do not. Do I think it’s possible some books are occasionally published that way? Sure.
Publishing is really, really tough. It can sometimes feel like only a handful of titles get recognition. As a reader and a writer, I can tell you that even though publishing can sometimes feel like fighting an uphill battle, it’s simply not true that all books are disposable. Maybe that’s also the librarian in me jumping out. If anything, it feels like every single week there are too many incredibly good books getting published. I can’t manage to read them all! That’s my biggest problem!
It seems like you’re frustrated. That? I can completely understand. Hopefully this anonymous letter was just your way of blowing off some steam. Everything is tough right now (that’s an absolute I can get behind) and it’s easy to just feel overwhelmed and upset. I see you and I support you, friend. Hopefully after you sent this missive my way you were blown away by a great book. Why not try out one of the new ones that came out literally just this week? I’m sure there’s gotta be something that’s right for you. And hey, if not? Maybe take a reading break. Come back when you’re ready.
God knows I’m ready for another tequila shot. Down the hatch!
2) Help me out, Kristen. A few years back, I talked to a friend I’d made in summer writing workshop about an idea I had for a short story. We were yapping over drinks, late night, having a good time, and I just got excited. I told them everything: plot, characters, story arc. Well, fast-forward to now and I still haven’t written it, but this past week I saw that same friend post about their novel-in-progress that they’re about to shop with their agent. The book sounds shockingly like the short story plot I gushed to them about at the workshop. I feel sick over this. I mean, I haven’t read it, but some of the plot points are ridiculously similar. It was a very particular storyline, so there is no way they didn’t take this from me. Are they the asshole for this or is it me?
Oh no, buddy! This rough!
I don’t want to sit here and tell you I know exactly what you should do in this situation. At the end of the day, I am a simple drunk literary advice columnist who tries to lead with love (and a tremendous amount of jokes). I’m not qualified to give you the legal answers you need on this one! However, I will try my best to unpack a little of this on an emotional level, because I am sure it has been causing you a fair amount of grief.
Now, I cannot say whether this person has lifted your idea. Part of this problem stems from the fact that I have no idea what the story is about. You’ve stated here that the idea for the project was “particular,” which I take to mean the plot points are quirky enough to render the idea a fairly novel one. You also say that you unloaded on your friend one night about it, which means that you told them everything about this project. They can’t claim they weren’t aware of your story. So, that’s fairly damning.
You have admitted that you did not end up writing the story (yet). Does this matter in the grand scheme of things? No, I don’t think that it does – mostly because I am coming at this from an emotional standpoint. The emotion in question is complex because the person was someone you considered your friend. You confided in them. You were excited about the prospect of your art and you shared something vulnerable. I have to imagine that this person took the enthusiasm through which you expressed your writing excitement and decided it sounded cool enough they wanted to write about that idea, too. It’s a bummer.
The emotion in question is complex because the person was someone you considered your friend. You confided in them.
I am not a legal advice column. That is for other people who aren’t doing shots of tequila while blearily typing into a word document. I will say, however, that I do think and talk a lot about friendship. And it seems like this person wasn’t a very good friend to you in this situation.
I’m not sure there’s much you can do when it comes to “rectifying” this situation when it comes to the actual work itself. You had not yet sat down to write the work, they are contracting for a novel and not a short story, the list goes on. Unless it was a deeply personal anecdote that is specifically applicable to you, I’m not sure there is anything that can be done here (and hey, we’ve all seen this play out previously and it didn’t end well for anyone involved). This might be the end of the road for that particular story idea.
If you want to keep this friendship, then you probably need to have a discussion with this person about how you’re feeling. It might not go the way you’d like it to; that’s simply too difficult for me to know. It’s possible this person just won’t be part of your life any more. And I’m sorry for that.
This is a great day for doing shots! Let’s do another to cleanse the palate before moving on to our final question of the day:
3) I don’t think this is asshole behavior, necessarily, so I’ll modify the question for the platform: is it poor manners to be on your phone in the middle of a reading and/or literary event?
This is a great question! I think it depends!
I mean, sure, I do think it’s in your best interest to put your phone down and listen when there’s a reading going on. We have to consider how we’d like people to treat us when we get up on stage, and I think most of us would like people to listen attentively to the work we’ve spent so many hours sweating over. Don’t heart cute animal videos when you should be paying attention to the reader. Don’t text your friend. There’s time for that later.
However, I love when people take pictures during readings! I love when the audience posts videos and snaps of the event! It’s the best! I wish people would do it for me more often!
I know that’s not for everyone, though. So, I think in these situations it’s sometimes best to read the room. Feel out the vibe, see what the author and the venue would like. And maybe don’t doomscroll while someone is pouring their heart out on stage.
That’s all the time we have today, folks. Join me next time when I answer more of your burning questions while trying to slurp the last drop of tequila from the bottom of this damn shot glass. And remember to send me your anonymous questions!! I truly do love them!
Boozily,
Dad
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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or anonymously here.
