Howdy y’all! Welcome back to another provocative installment of everyone’s favorite comedy/cry-for-help advice column, Am I the Literary Asshole? I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m happy to announce that it’s officially Pride, friends! There are three things I absolutely love about myself: I’m a writer, I’m from Florida, and I am terrifically gay. It’s this holy trinity that brings all the zest and flair to this drunken bimonthly missive. And you know what? You can’t spell June without U—so I’m glad you’re here, too!
It’s summer and it’s already steamy; why don’t we try and beat the heat with a little shandy? It sounds classy, but it’s basically just beer and lemonade. We love to see it!
Now let’s pour ourselves some frosty glasses and get straight down to the business at hand:
1) Hi dad! Writing can be such a lonely hobby, I desperately crave being able to talk to others who also write as a hobby, or as a profession about the process etc. Unfortunately it doesn’t feel so easy to just join a writers group because what I’m mostly writing right now is for fandom spaces. Is it bad behavior to bring (gasp!) fanfiction to a writer’s group, is that wasting everyone’s time? I feel like the answer is yes? Is there such a thing as fanfiction writer groups out there?
Hello, buddy! Thanks for writing in about this.
First of all, I want to just reassure you that writing is writing, no matter the topic. It’s exciting that you’re working on something. And I agree that occasionally our art can be a lonely endeavor. When we sit down to the page, it’s just us staring at a blank document, so it’s nice to have people we can turn to when we want to talk about all the trials and tribulations that come along with craft. I don’t want you to feel lonely, so let’s unpack this a bit.
I’m going to try and give you a two-pronged approach here.
I can’t tell you for sure how anyone would react in a writer’s group, because everyone is different. What I can tell you, however, is that honesty goes a long way. It can prevent a lot of miscommunication and hurt feelings, too. So, if you want to go the traditional writing group route, I would say that it’s best to simply get this information out of the way. There’s nothing wrong with writing fanfiction! Many writers who’ve gone on to publish traditional fiction have cut their teeth in the fanfiction world. Many writers even still read it, post publication! It’s escapism at its finest, and god knows many people need escapism right now.
But it’s possible that you might meet with resistance in workshopping this kind of writing in a group setting with those unfamiliar with that kind of work—some people are less keen on it than others, certainly—so if you ask ahead of time, you can save yourself and everyone else a lot of grief. There are definitely people who won’t want to workshop this kind of work. I know that you don’t want to be put in a situation where there’s heavy conflict, because that will likely affect how you feel about your writing. If you broach it ahead of time—say, in an email—then you’ll know right off the bat if it’s going to be something people are okay with ahead of time.
The other approach would be to workshop with others who are specifically writing fanfiction. This would be your best bet, I think. And yes, there are plenty of online forums that put these writers in touch with each other! I can’t give you a “for example” here, because I think it would depend on your subject matter. But I promise you, there’s a group for this. Maybe think about reaching out to someone who’s writing in the same category as you. Someone whose work you read and admire. They’ll likely have answers for you on this one and be able to point you in the right direction. It’s as easy as that.
Pinkies out, shandies up! Have a swig while we contemplate our next conundrum:
2) A former friend told me, when I was having trouble securing an agent and working through editing my debut novel for the umpteenth time, that I should just set it aside and work on the next book. She said sometimes it “just doesn’t work out” and I should more or less give up my dream—even though I made clear I was incorporating some agents’ feedback and intended on pushing ahead. I was very hurt by this, but it seemed like such an obvious slight that I never called her out, and she never apologized. She faded into the background until recently, when I publicly announced that I HAVE an agent (for that debut book I never gave up on!) and suddenly she seems interested in rekindling the friendship, calling me constantly. But I just don’t feel like it’s worth the effort. Is she the asshole, or am I?
Oooooof. Yikes!
This is a tough one because it’s just so deeply messy (and therefore deeply human). Shit like this often occurs over the course of long-term writing friendships. I’m not saying people mean to act like jerks, it just… happens.
Let me be clear: they should not have said this to you. It was not their place. Unless you specifically asked their opinion, such as, “Friend, should I abandon my current book and move onto something else?” they should have kept that thought to themselves. You told them you wanted to continue with this project and they didn’t listen.
It hurt your feelings. Of course it did! You not only valued the project you were undertaking—your dream!—but you also valued this writing friendship. If you didn’t care about this person or their opinion, then it wouldn’t have bothered you this much. To hear that you should abandon a passion project from someone whose opinion matters to you would be a bitter pill to swallow. It makes sense to me that you let that friendship drift away.
You’re not the asshole for declining to rekindle that friendship. But I would urge you to take a step back from your bruised feelings and consider that it’s possible this person didn’t see anything wrong with what they said. It takes all kinds to make a world, my pal, and maybe this former friend of yours is a person who thinks their honest, unvarnished opinion is a love language. That doesn’t sound like the kind of friend for you, sure, but since y’all never talked about it after it happened, you have no way of knowing. The lack of communication made the friendship die, not just the comment. It’s possible that if you’d voiced your displeasure with them right away they might have apologized for their bad behavior. We’ll never know!
You don’t need to create a new bond with this individual. It’s totally fine to say the friendship ran its course. You can certainly accept their congratulations on acquiring your agent. And you can simply decline those incoming calls for the simple fact that you’re too busy publishing your dream book. Don’t dwell on this bad feeling any longer—it’s not worth your time. Focus on your bourgeoning career instead. And hey, congrats!
I’m filled to the brim with lemony goodness (and beer)! How about we take one last slurp of shandy and check out our final question of the day?
3) A friend of mine writes fantasy-adventure fiction and has recently asked me to provide feedback on her work. While it’s not my usual genre, I’m familiar enough with the conventions from having read some fantasy and played a lot of video games as a teen. I enjoy giving feedback and she seems to find it helpful. Win-win, right? Here’s where I think I might be the asshole: I haven’t sent her any of my writing, and I’m not sure if I should. I read and write mostly literary fiction (with all the asterisks and caveats that go with that term). She does not.
My fiction employs devices that are expected and embraced by the litfic crowd, but can be off-putting to readers of other genres—dense prose, unlikeable characters, surrealism, etc. I’ve avoided sharing my work with her because I’m worried she’ll find it weird and unpleasant. Am I saving her time and energy by not asking her to read things I’m pretty sure she won’t “get”? Or am I letting my fear of being misunderstood get in the way of an opportunity to receive valuable feedback and, more importantly, deepen our friendship?
This is a great question and one that’s going to be relatively simple to answer!
Do whatever you like!
You can share this work with your friend IF YOU SO CHOOSE. You’re not doing anyone a disservice by declining to share your art. You’re helping them out with theirs, and that’s very kind of you. You’re fostering plenty of writerly community through that simple act alone.
It seems you’ve already decided that this person might not like your work. I think the “fear of being misunderstood” is what’s driving this anxiety, buddy, and you can put that fear away. Plenty of people can read with an eye for what work is supposed to do versus if it’s our particular cup of literary tea. This friend should be able to look at your work and give you feedback based solely on what the work is (and possibly isn’t) doing. Don’t assign them feelings that they haven’t already expressed. Don’t put negative words in their mouth. Unless they’ve said pointblank, “I hate literary fiction and I don’t understand any of it,” then give them the benefit of the doubt here. It would probably be just fine.
Share if you like! The choice is yours.
And that’s all the time we have today, folks. Join me next installment when I stuff a full bottle of vodka inside a watermelon and call it a fruit snack. And don’t forget to send me your anonymous questions!
Summertime,
Dad
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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or anonymously here.
