I adore memoirs. Unlike biography which encompasses the width of a life, a memoir takes a specific time period or experience and holds it up for observation. When someone examines a portion of their life, writes down their perspective, their thoughts and feelings, and then shares it with the world, it is a gift. Reading multiple memoirs by the same person is particularly meaningful to me. I’m in awe when someone is courageous enough to write a memoir multiple times, especially when the following memoir seems to contradict the previous one.
I have read multiple memoirs by a number of authors, including Glennon Doyle and Gabrielle Union and Elizabeth Gilbert, who is my favorite memoirist. In my inaugural episode of the What Should I Read Next? podcast, I listed Eat Pray Love as one of my all-time favorites. These women are vulnerable and honest about what they are feeling when they are feeling it. They are authentically who they are; being authentic is one of my personal commandments and something I strive for on a daily basis. These writers are more authentic with every new book. After finishing most memoirs, I’ve gotten the feeling that the stories have been wrapped up in a beautiful bow. The struggle faced and conquered. A second memoir shows me that that is not the case and I feel less of a failure. Each new memoir teaches me lessons that I try to, need to, remember every single day.
Life is a journey.
I will never arrive anywhere. Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior is about her forgiving her husband’s infidelity. Untamed is about her moving on from that marriage and into being more fully herself. In my favorite memoir Eat Pray Love, we follow Liz’s year abroad in Italy, India, and Indonesia. The story is not over. In Committed, she discusses remaining committed to the man she fell in love with while in Indonesia.
For a long time, I thought that if I could just get out of high school and into college, married and with kids, the Buddy Man sleeping through the night, the Buddy Man out of diapers and in school, then, THEN, my life would begin and I would be at the place I was meant to be. That’s not the case. The story does not end til I die and then it could go on from there. Either way, I best enjoy every trip around the sun.
Change is inevitable.
Nothing will remain the same in my life. In We’re Going to Need More Wine, Gabrielle Union discusses her journey as a Black girl in a mostly white community and being a Black actress in America. She tackles difficult subjects, including her rape as a teenager, but her tone is resilient, funny, and hopeful for the future. In You Got Anything Stronger?, she seems affected by the changing political and societal landscape, as well as her own circumstances. It’s not laugh-out-loud funny. Ironically, it’s sober and serious. She reckons with similar themes but they have more weight because now she has step-children.
I grew up believing that if I could just do the right thing, then everything would be what and where it was supposed to be in my life. Until 2020, outside forces were not something I considered even having the ability to impact me in a very meaningful way. Naive? Absolutely. Privileged? Definitely. But now I know that no matter what I do, my life is going to change. Most times without my consent; sometimes with it.
And that’s part two of this lesson; it’s okay to change my mind. As I gather more information about the world, most of it via reading, as I have different experiences, I can decide to change what I believe about a situation. I can adjust my life to be more in line with my new insights and understanding. The trick is to remember what I have learned.
Growth is cyclical.
Remember Committed, the memoir that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about her marriage to the guy she met in Indonesia? Well, she didn’t stay with him. Her forthcoming memoir, All the Way to the River is about how she met someone else, how that partnership ended due to cancer, and what Liz has learned about herself since that loss. It’s also one of the most brutal, honest, heartfelt, and moving books I have read all year.
In therapy, I have wrestled with the idea that growth is cyclical. It seems like I circle the same situation over and over again just from different angles. In All the Way to the River, Liz discusses Eat Pray Love, confirming that if she had just remembered the lessons learned there, she might not have made the same mistakes.
What memoirs have you read that have taught you a lesson or two? Please share with me in the comments.
P.S. Patreon Bonus #120: Six memoirs that changed my life.
P.P.S. 15 engaging and inspiring memoirs I keep coming back to, 16 memorable memoirs told in essays, stories, and snapshots, and 10 captivating memoirs about life’s ordinary (yet extraordinary) moments.
About the author
Shannan Malone is the MMD Cohost and Contributor. Her go-to genre depends on her mood! You can find Shannan on Instagram @shannanenjoyslife.